detoxblog@wonderwinds

Of course not right? It pretty much fucks him up. For most folk it ain't shit, but for him it's kinda like alcohol is for me. Something to Avoid with a capital A.

My biggest fear is going through that again.

54 hours since my last self-inflicted exposure to my personal kryptonite. An airplane bottle of Jim Beam. One. Overall not bad, but not the point of this path. The next couple of minutes are what matter. Then the next. Then the next. The pay-fer sessions are kinda neat, but getting to a local AA meeting is like pulling teeth from a duck. First one seemed to not exist anymore so scratch that. Today I couldn't find the fucking place. Googled it before hand and sorta knew where I was going, but the fucking road just didn't exist. So it looks like the only way I can find myself in the company of those who actually know where I'm at is to drive to fucking phoenix. And it's stupid little suburbs, but either way it's a half hour away just to be close enough to start finding the places. I think I'll post this and plan a shit ton of driving tomorrow.

Gotta remember my phone because the short term disability people want to ask me some questions about my claim. If they reject it then I'm done with programs and (attempts at) meetings. I can't take care of my shit daytime and do my work night time at the same time. It's just not gonna happen ya know?

I'm really for shit on remembering things so I oughta write this one down: Monday January 21st I drank a single shot of bourbon whiskey. Wanna know something cool? I actually felt it. I got a buzz is what I mean. And guess what else? I don't really like the buzz. GOOD for me!!! Used to be 4 shots was routine and 8 shots was my buzz level. 10 or 12 shots were for when I wanted to get liquored up a bit. Now ONE does the damage that alcohol is supposed to do.

I'm bored. I need to find something to do soon because ... drinking is something to do. I could update my blog engine since a new release just came out, but that's more like work than fun. I've got half an idea to throw down a "Free Gallery" plugin based directly on the existing gallery plugin that they guy who wrote it now wants donations to upgrade his code. eh? Open source baby: open fucking source. But that's not my idea of fun either.

I'm bored. I should take my last ativan and figure out how many meetings I can make in one day tomorrow.